This Dad Just KILLED Society’s Definition of Beauty. I’m Fully on his Side on This One.~~Dr. Kelly Flanagan

Dear Little One,

As I write this, I’m sitting in the makeup aisle of our local Target store. A friend recently texted me from a different makeup aisle and told me it felt like one of the most oppressive places in the world. I wanted to find out what he meant. And now that I’m sitting here, I’m beginning to agree with him. Words have power, and the words on display in this aisle have a deep power. Words and phrases like: Affordably gorgeous, Infallible, Flawless finish, Brilliant strength, Liquid power, Go nude, Age defying, Instant age rewind, Choose your dream, Nearly naked, and Natural beauty.

When you have a daughter you start to realize she’s just as strong as everyone else in the house—a force to be reckoned with, a soul on fire with the same life and gifts and passions as any man. But sitting in this store aisle, you also begin to realize most people won’t see her that way. They’ll see her as a pretty face and a body to enjoy. And they’ll tell her she has to look a certain way to have any worth or influence.

But words do have power and maybe, just maybe, the words of a father can begin to compete with the words of the world. Maybe a father’s words can deliver his daughter through this gauntlet of institutionalized shame and into a deep, unshakeable sense of her own worthiness and beauty.

A father’s words aren’t different words, but they are words with a radically different meaning:

Brilliant strength: Your strength be not in your fingernails; but in your heart. May you discern in your centre who you are, and then may you fearfully but tenaciously live it out in the world.

Choose your dream: But not from a department store shelf. Find the still-quiet place within you. A real dream has been planted there. Discover what you want to do in the world. And when you have chosen, may you faithfully pursue it, with integrity and with hope.

Naked: The world wants you to take your clothes off. Please keep them on. But take your gloves off. Pull no punches. Say what is in your heart. Be vulnerable. Embrace risk. Love a world that barely knows what it means to love itself. Do so nakedly. Openly. With abandon.

Infallible: May you be constantly, infallibly aware that infallibility doesn’t exist. It’s an illusion created by people interested in your wallet. If you choose to seek perfection, may it be in an infallible grace—for yourself, and for everyone around you.

Age defying: Your skin will wrinkle and your youth will fade, but your soul is ageless. It will always know how to play and how to enjoy and how to revel in this one-chance life. May you always defiantly resist the aging of your spirit.

Flawless finish: Your finish has nothing to do with how your face looks today and everything to do with how your life looks on your last day. May your years be a preparation for that day. May you be aged by grace, may you grow in wisdom, and may your love become big enough to embrace all people. May your flawless finish be a peaceful embrace of the end and the unknown that follows, and may it thus be a gift to everyone who cherishes you.

Little One, you love everything pink and frilly and I will surely understand if someday makeup is important to you. But I pray three words will remain more important to you—the last three words you say every night, when I ask the question: “Where are you the most beautiful?” Three words so bright no concealer can cover them.

Where are you the most beautiful? On the inside.

From my heart to yours,

Daddy

~~Dr. Kelly Flanagan

Advice to Youth #1 (Every Man in his Humour)

He that is so respectless on his courses,
Oft sells his reputation at cheap market.
Nor would I, you should melt away yourself
In flashing bravery, lest, while you affect
To make a blaze of gentry to the world,
A little puff of scorn extinguish it;
And you be left like unsavoury snuff,
Whose property is only to offend.
I'd have you sober, and contain yourself,
Not that your sail be bigger than your boat;
But moderate your expenses now, at first,
As you may keep the same proportion still;
Nor stand so much on your gentility,
Which is an airy and mere borrow'd thing,
From dead men's dust and bones; and none of yours,
Except you make, or hold it.

Advice to Youth #2

Learn to be wise, and practise how to thrive;

That would I have you do: and not to spend

Your coin on every bauble that you fancy,

Or every foolish brain that humours you.

I would not have you to invade each place,

Nor thrust yourself on all societies,

Till men's affections, or your own desert,

Should worthily invite you to your rank.

He that is so respectless on his courses,

Oft sells his reputation at  cheap market.

Nor would I, you should melt away yourself

In flashing bravery, lest, while you affect

To make a blaze of gentry to the world,

A little puff of scorn extinguish it;

And you be left like unsavoury snuff,

Whose property is only to offend.

I'd have you sober, and contain yourself,

Not that your sail be bigger than your boat;

But moderate your expenses now, at first,

As you may keep the same proportion still;

Nor stand so much on your gentility,

Which is an airy and mere borrow'd thing,

From dead men's dust and bones;
and none of yours,

Except you make, or hold it.

In youth we learn; in age we understand.

Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

Young and Old-Charles Kingsley (1819-1875)

When all the world is young , lad,
And all the trees are green;
And every goose a swan lad,
And every lass a queen;
Ten hey for loot and horse, lad,
And round the world away;
Young blood must have it's course, lad,
And every dog his day.

When all the world is old, lad,
And all the trees are brown;
And all the sport is stale , lad,
And all the wheels run down;
Creep home, and take your place there,
The spent and maimed among:
God grant you find one face there,
You loved when all was young.
--Charles Kingsley